My friend Cailtlin Bronson posted a blog about the boys in Provo: caitlinbronson.blogspot.com which I found to be not only hilarious, but somewhat accurate. So, with her permission, I've decided to complete this "provo daters" list by adding the woman to it. Though completely stereotyped and for fun, there is still much truth in this.
Similarly to my friend, I too am often asked why (out of all the cute girls at BYU) I remain single and haven't commited to a lifelong relationship in the holiest of matromonies. To help shed some light on this, let us attempt to classify some of the women we run into here in the land of loners and lovers:
-The 'Need A Man' : This product of upbringing has no plans for the future except to find that perfect Elder's quorum president. If this fails, then finishing school and graduating with bachelors degree becomes their "back-up plan." Between reading bridal magazine's and fishing for dates amongst her FHE brothers with 'mom's secret recipe brownies', she often fills her days with watching Gilmore Girls (as most girls do), planning dessert/game nights at her apartment, and occasionally writing that 2 page paper she's been procrastinating for her "Marraige Prep" class. Ironically, these girls are often torn between dating and girl nights, feeling guilty that they didn't spend 2 nights out of the 7 which they normally spend with their clingy roommates.
-The Indie Girl : This breed of unique, yet oh so similar girls (deserving the title since most have not yet matured to womanhood) are not always as independent as their name implies. Many of these girls are looking for 3 things in/on a man: Skinny-jeans, skinny-jeans, skinny-jeans. Though their distaste for trends and popular styles tends to steer them in the direction of thrift stores, they often spend more time shopping for their indie clothes than the trendy kids. This girl will spend her days photographing with her poloroid camera, going to see bands that can't play their instruments, and trying to philosophies so that other people conclude that she can really think outside the box. Careful, being a social descendant from the emo girl, she will pack a lot of drama into that free-thinking spirit of hers.
-The Former Class President : These tend to be the most sought-after women on campus while simultaneously being the most infuriating for men. She has her entire life planned out, but struggles to manage her weekend schedule. Confident, career-centered, and needing only a general social life. A typical day will include an early morning bagel, a dash for the door, school, work, school, work, more school, and top it off with the nightly visitors from the weeker sex (which, contrary to popular opinion, are men). Though most suitors will eventually discover her non-commital nature, she will one day surprise everyone and announce her engagement to a business finance major who treats her like garbage...ah, young love.
-The Foreigner : Though too few, this group deserves an honorary mention. This strong-willed female usually has more than a couple crazy stories (she'd have to to wind up at BYU). Often times, these girls go on a lot of first dates because, although no one will admit it, most boys at BYU can't get over the cultural or (dare I say it) racial differences. For shame! A couple other honorary mentions that won't be addressed due to lack of numbers would be the feminist and the normal girl.
-The "Me Monster" (aka Social Grace) : She often comes complete with features like "let's define who I am," and talking too much. You could also classify this self-absorbed woman in the "foot-in-mouth" category except she never seems to get wise to the fact that she's said too much. Often times the "Me Monster" will be very well-intentioned and will work SO very hard to improve herself in every area of her life (realizing that something is amiss)until... unfortunately... many of them morph into the "Why Not You Monster." This advanced "Me Monster" spends a considerable amount of time pointing out the things that she has done that you should do also. The "Me Monster" will spend much of her day daydreaming through class, conciously collecting things about her day that she can talk about later, and finding groups of people that she can invite herself in to.
-Painstakingly Plastic: I didn't want to go too stereotypical, but no matter how many times we make fun of them, plastics are still overpopulating every place. Always at the pool, never in the in pool, these barbecued barbies will some day have to meet the melanoma monster in person. Aside from outward appearance, these girls will hide away there most interesting features to fit the "perfect" mold. I have not yet been able to determine whether they are always putting on a front, or if they truly have absolutely nothing unique or inticing to their personalities. Despite constant maintanance and a well-practiced flirty voice, the Painstakingly Plastic will attract but never win over a "sweet bro."
These are just a few of the many interesting and intriguing girls that are found in Singleville, Provo. If you are thinking to yourself "awwww, that was harsh, he's so mean to women," just remind yourself that this is all in good fun and I'm only retaliating ;)
