"You have tacky taste," "you talk a lot... and sometimes too much," "It's interesting that we're dating because you're not really my type." These and many many more dangerously blunt sentences have escaped my lips when talking to friends and women I'm dating. Luckily, most of the people I frequently hang out with don't seem to mind and usually dish it back. Just know this: once I become even somewhat comfortable with you, I automatically will assume a thickness to your skin. When it comes to my opinion and my observations, I often suspend what tact I have and will speak as my brain has initially ordered my thoughts. Except to edit any vocabulary/profanity issues, my mouth will be stripped of all filters.
Let's say a woman asks "does this make me look fat," or even more simple "how do I look?" Now, an intelligent heterosexual male would reply "you look great," or (for the long-termers) "you look fine dear." Me? Weeeell, being the thick-headed, blunt person that I am would (as kindly and politely as possible) tell you the truth. I know... dangerous, VERY dangerous. If I'm lucky, she'll look great; if I'm unlucky, well, it would probably go something like this "That's not my favorite dress in the world, your hair looks good, but that dress and those shoes are not very flattering." followed by a confident--but still awkward-- "no offense."
There you have it, I'm as dumb as I look. So don't ask me questions unless you want some honesty. I'm not cruel, pessimistic, or mean, but I will be completely honest and blunt.
Now, let's discuss some pros and cons
Pros:
1.) I won't lie to you (best policy and all that)
2.) In relationships, there is good communication and no decite (girls usually know exactly what is going on.
3.) It definately makes for some interesting conversations.
Cons:
1.) Foot-in-mouth disease (it's embarrassing for me sometimes)
2.) Occassionally people get the wrong idea or get offended (I'm sorry, I really am, none was implied)
3.) I don't get the luxury of being friends with everyone (some people just don't like it).
All in all, I still think the pros outweigh the cons, but it's still up for debate.
TELL ME WHAT YOU THINK!!!
P.S. I just saw "Sabrina" (the newer one) again. She is extremely blunt and I think it makes her even classier and more attractive :)
7 comments:
A person once told me that I'd never get married because I was "too blunt". He said, "It's a great quality in a best friend, but I'm not so sure I want my wife to call me an idiot when I'm being an idiot." To which I replied with: "Well, what would you like her to do, lie to you?"
I tend to follow the adage of: "It's not hurtful, if it's true."--because really, it shouldn't be.
What girl wants to go out looking ridiculous? She'll only be angry out you later if she looks at pictures from that night and realizes you were the one who didn't tell her to change.
Then again, I am a person who only asks people's opinion of things if I actually care about what they have to say. I don't fish for compliments--if I want a specific response, I will tell you exactly what I want to hear.
Bluntness is often considered the evil twin of honesty--and there is very good reason for that. Being blunt requires one to be abrupt and insensitive. It also assumes an inability to adequately perceive surrounding situations.
I think my bluntness derives from an inability to "mind read". I hate guessing what another person is thinking and I just assume other people hate that as well. I say what's on my mind so there's no confusion.
I believe, ideally, what we are striving towards is honesty and good communication. Perhaps, this is why you consider Sabrina to be so attractive because she is unabashedly honest and leaves no room for miscommunication.
Here's some food for thought: Why is it that the most blunt people around also seem to be the most private with their feelings? Why is it one thing to share an objective opinion, but a completely different situation when we are emotionally attached to whatever is going on?
I don't know why it said I deleted a previous post... I didn't. That's weird.
p.s. Sorry for the novel.
I think being blunt is GOOD... when applied with tact. You have never said anything offensive to me, perhaps merely because we aren't in what you would call a relationship. Maybe just because I am actually fairly hard to penetrate. Thus, I have no practical experience with you being offensively blunt. I may be thus unqualified to make a judgment, but I would not say you need to change.
I think HONESTY is a very desirable quality. Your pros appeal to me GREATLY. I always seem to find myself going crazy when I don't know what is going on in a relationship because the guy cannot be honest with me. Honesty is almost always the best policy, especially in relationships. The employment of a little tact on top of that honesty, however, is ALWAYS the way to go. To all people, in all locations, in all circumstances. It is a simple matter of consideration.
The real question should be: are YOU able to take the same treatment in return?
I like you the way that you are, Stephen. Don't go changing too much! (Though I think you could own up to your own feelings, which you claim don't exist, a bit more often ;-) -- how is THAT for being blunt?)
With love,
Kim
Tobian! I just found your blog. I am obviously one who loves bluntness, sometimes to a fault. But I'm also one who really appreciates honesty--I hate fake compliments or "mean-well"ers who say things they don't mean to spare peoples' feelings. Or people who don't say things for the same reason.
So that said, do these jeans make me look fat?
I believe you've said "you're taste is tacky" "it's funny that we're dating because you're not my type" AND the classic "you're not my type, my type are pretty girls." to me. haha! Oh man Steve...You're lucky you're charming.
Dude. I had no idea you blogged.
In any case, it's definitely true that we're related because my most favorite thing in the world is to tell it like it is.
You should check out my blog. It's like the epitome of truth meets jerk.
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